Sign One of a Miserable Mom Job: Three Ways to Overcome Mom Anonymity

I enjoy reading business management books, and I've begun to realize that many of them are surprisingly relevant to being a Stay-At-Home mother. Most recently I read The Three Signs of a Miserable Job: A Fable for mangers (and their employees). I was surprised by how much the content applied to the burnout that many mothers report; maybe this is because mothers are both their managers and their employees. In other words, mothers both create the environment in which they will perform their tasks (making them managers), and then they perform their tasks in it (making them employees).

One of the signs of a miserable job is anonymity. The idea is that when employees lose their sense of identity and instead feel like mere phone-callers, cashiers, salesmen, data-crunchers, or servers they become miserable and, correspondingly, less productive.

 That sound familiar to anyone? Anyone ever feel like they're merely washers, cleaners, cookers, diaper changers, and nursers? When you and your spouse have a moment to talk together, do you suddenly find that you have no idea what to talk about besides the children? When people ask you what your hobbies and interests are, do you have a hard time remembering? I know I do. I know lots of other parents worry about the same thing.

The book suggests that managers find out what their employees are interested in and talk to them about it, to know about their families and their talents, to find out what makes their employees people, not just workers. So how can mothers implement this idea in their own lives?

I've noticed a few things that have helped me combat the SAHM anonymity syndrome:

• Read, watch, or listen to something that enriches you and gives you something to talk about. Listen to a great podcast, read an educational book, watch . . . something interesting and informative. I listen to the Dave Ramsey podcast and just about any podcast by LearnOutLoud.com. I try to read at least a little non-fiction every day. After I finish my current book, I'm going to start in on my husband's economics textbook. The point is that in order to remain vital, alive, and interesting, we need to continuously take in things that challenge and interest us. Too many mothers neglect this.
• Do something creative and uniquely yours. Remember those old hobbies you used to have? Remember how you used to write or paint or garden or take photos? Start doing a little, tiny bit of that. For me, this is blogging and noveling. I do the blogging mostly to discipline my thinking and to get social contact, but the noveling is just to keep my creative muscle alive. I only write for about fifteen minutes a day. Do I think I'm going to write and publish a novel in fifteen minutes a day? Not a chance. But I'm keeping my creative muscles alive so that I remain strong, vital, and interesting to myself and others.
• Pick something non-kid related to talk about with your spouse. Many stay-at-home-parents report feeling like they're no longer interesting to their spouses because their spouses are in the workplace growing and being challenged while the stay-at-home parent is doing the same stagnating things over and over again every day. Even worse, some working parents begin to treat the stay-at-home parent as though they really are becoming less interesting. In order to combat this, pick something non kid-related to talk to your spouse about when he or she comes home. Form an opinion on an MSN article; find out about a news issue; tell about a project you're working on.

If anonymity makes people miserable in a place in which they spend eight hours a day, it's no wonder that mothers who begin to feel anonymous in their own homes report huge incidences of depression, hopelessness, and sadness. It's vital for SAHMs to combat this, and the three ideas above are a good place to start.

What about you? Have you struggled with feeling "anonymous" in your home, and how have you successfully combated it?

Comments

[Mary]

I am a SAHM with 18 years of experience. Networking with other SAHM has been what has worked for me. And I have always had a part time job for extra money and for sanity. Being involved in a volunteer situation is fulfilling and gives me the flexibility that I desire. Finding the balance of caring for your family and remembering to take care of yourself physically and emotionally is very hard but very important.

[Heidi]

That's so true, Mary. I should add those specific ideas to the post. I gotta say, I went to the zoo with a group of mothers and other kids on Friday, and I'm still riding high from the social buzz. I'm considering starting to invite people over, just for the company!